No, bereaved father, we have not forgotten Yaakov! We have for-gotten no one who was torn from our ranks. How could we forget? When every hour, every minute, experiences like this mark us for life.
* * *
Another unforgettable scene: the evening when we saw combat for the first time.
The whole battalion is stretched out in a long column heading for the forward base. On our backs we are carrying a heavy burden: our weapons, our equipment, and our personal things. We are almost collapsing under the load, staggering like drunks. Our brains have stopped working. Somewhere in this area is the enemy. Our unit is securing the head of the column. The damp earth sticks to our soles.
Suddenly we come under fire. From so near, that we can see the flames from the muzzles. We fall instinctively to the ground. Our pulses race. It is our baptism of fire.
We stick to the ground, press our faces into the mud, dig ourselves in with our fingernails and the toes of our shoes. Someone near us is groaning and calls in a whisper "Medic!" And one of us gets up from the protective ground, runs stooping to the wounded man, lies next to him, and treats his wounds.
Yaakov, the medic.
Do you think, bereaved father, that scenes like this will be forgot-ten? Can be forgotten? These are really moments when our personal-ity is shaped and formed on the anvil of life.
5b * *
Why, you ask, did we not visit you? Why did we not try to console you? Do you have an idea, can you imagine how we feel in front of the relatives of our fallen comrades? How we stand there and are ashamed to be still alive? We are embarrassed to be spared by the bul-let that deprived you of your dearest. A fighting soldier knows this look because it is so understandable, so natural. This expression which says to him "My God. Why did the bullet have to hit my son. And you stand there so healthy and lively, while our son is moulder-ing in his grave ..."
Yes, father. Even the bravest soldier, who has carried dozens of his comrades on his back away from the firing line, who has charged the enemy, and withstood the attacks of tanks. This soldier is afraid of the family of a fallen man. That is why he does not visit the relatives