whether I represent the Haganah or the Irgun. I know that I will have to say something. But I have no idea what. It is so quiet I cannot think. Then I remember our demonstration a year ago, on the evening the White Paper appeared, when the District Commissioner’s offices were set on fire. At that time someone got us to swear our loyalty to Jerusalem.
A weight is off my shoulders. I shout: "If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand wither!" There is silence as the crowd waits for the rest. I am horrified, because I have forgotten the second half. " Let my tongue..." Srulik whispers. I raise my head. "Let my tongue cleave to my palate, if I do not remember you!" The crowd is satisfied. Some shout "Bravo!" and others "Boo!" We fold up the flags and go home.
* * *
Something is brewing. First there were odd rumors about differences of opinion among the leadership of the Irgun. And one day everyone knows: there is a split.
Names that we had never heard before, or which were always spo-ken quietly and respectfully, are all of a sudden pronounced loudly and clearly and covered in mud. The younger ones like us stumble around aimlessly as if our world has collapsed. Until today every-thing was clear and definite: the supermen are in command, wise and totally fearless, who know exactly how we can conquer the land on both sides of the Jordan river in three, or at most six months. All we have to do is to follow their commands. Now these superhumans are accusing each other of all possible crimes - from murder and informing to corruption.
I wake up as if from a long dream. I try not to let it go, even though I know that it will never return. The doubts that kept surfacing over the last two years, and that I suppressed, return with redoubled strength. What does the Irgun really want? Do I know all its aims? Does it even have a clear goal, a thought-out ideal?
Haven’t we been building up illusions simply because we needed them, because we wanted something we could subordinate ourselves to, to give us an aim in our lives and a purpose for our actions?
* * *
The whole company, the seventh company, is summoned to a meet-ing in the evening in the Bilu school. The guards at the gate neglect their duties. About eighty boys and forty girls are sitting in the