open the way to the Negev. Then my father goes out and my older sister comes in. She has two daughters and is the most practical woman I have ever met.
"Listen," she comes straight to the point. "You have to stop! In the last week father has almost gone mad. He can hardly work for worry. And if something happens to you, he will kill himself. It is enough that one in the family has fallen. You can’t expect more!"
"And what do you want?" I ask.
"You know exactly what I want. You could easily have yourself dis-charged or at least get a job at HQ. I met a friend of yours a few days ago. He suggested finding a job for you in the office."
I square my shoulders. "That won’t work." I can’t leave my com-rades and take a job in the office. I wouldn’t dare to show my face. Now and then I have played with the idea of changing my unit. I could become a war reporter with other commando units. But that’s impossible!
My sister is angry. "Idiot! You don’t actually like war, do you?"
"No," I admit.
"Or are you trying to do Ben-Gurion a favor?"
"Certainly not!" I can’t explain to her that one should hate war and still stay in a combat unit, because one doesn’t want to let one’s com-rades down.
"Why are you at the front at all?" she wants to know. "The son of the neighbor opposite was called up just two weeks ago, and landed straight in an office. Now he has even been made an officer already, because he has a rich father. And you, with all your combat experi-ence, you are still a private."
"Maybe because of that," is my tired answer.
"What are you expecting? That you will get a particularly big gravestone if you fall? No one will thank you! They will all say that you were stupid. And father will get a nice letter, like the one he has already!"
My sister starts to get carried away. "Even if you come out of it alive. Where has it got you? All the important posts will already have been filled by the slackers. They will look down on you and order you around. After the world war the shirkers became famous and the frontline soldiers were all social cases. You think it will be any